


Ache

by Evilquirrel18



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Reylo - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-23
Updated: 2018-01-23
Packaged: 2019-03-08 11:46:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13457592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evilquirrel18/pseuds/Evilquirrel18
Summary: A song one shot. Ben writes a love letter to Rey.





	Ache

**Author's Note:**

> My muse for this was song lyrics that are so achingly beautiful I couldn’t help but use them. The song is Saturn by Sleeping At Last.

 

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left. How light carries on endlessly even after death. With shortness of breath you explained the infinite. How rare and beautiful it is to even exist…_

_I couldn’t help but ask, for you to say it all again. I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen. I’d give anything to hear, you say it one more time. That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes. I couldn’t help but ask, for you to say it all again. I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen. I’d give anything to hear you say it one more time. That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes…With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite how rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist…._

Calligraphy pen still in his right hand, hovering over the page. He was reminded almost painfully of his own existence by his heart thundering against his ribs as he sat motionless at his steel desk. His eyes glued to the stark white page before him and the contrast of ink upon it. His throat felt dry and his breathing uneven. When he was but a boy Luke had given him this very set, and why he kept it he will never know. He remembered how his father had scoffed. Han had no time for such things but his mother had been supportive with it. She had helped him learn the art of beautiful writing. It soothed his troubled soul. Late nights when he had no one Ben had practiced, and he found it soothing. He carried it with him to the temple. He had put it away, forgotten of it and then took it out when he had a particularly hard day. He didn’t know why he still possessed it.

_Kill the past._

Holding the pen in his hand it felt smaller than it had before. Or maybe he was larger. He studied the words on the page. They weren’t for him. He would never write something so beautiful for himself. But as he sat there, staring down at his very heart he felt the urge to pace the room. The chair scraped the floor as he practically leapt to his feet. His hand ran through his hair, eyes wild as he paced away from the offensive letter. Her name scrawled elegantly at the top. It was meant for her, his heart, he realized. He could never gift it to another. Why didn’t she want him? He thought bitterly as he sank to the edge of his bed and glowered at his desk. He had offered her the very galaxy.

_Why doesn’t anyone want me?_

Even as the very thought crossed his mind he felt a sharp tug on the cord of their bond. Across the stars he felt her, felt her need and her pain. It was _his_ pain echoed in her. He felt curiosity and then regret. He wondered about the sadness inside her and closed his eyes. He imagined her standing before him. The wide look of wonder on her face and the disappointment when he didn’t do as she had hoped. The dusting of freckles splattered across her nose and cheekbones. Those ridiculous buns. The force wanted them together for some reason. It wanted them connected. Across thousands of miles away he could feel her resistance as she tried to keep their bond closed.

Good, he thought, it was for the best. She shouldn’t be tainted by his darkness. No, her light was too beautiful. He could see that now, she wouldn’t ever turn. He had hoped, had wished for it, to have someone– _anyone_ – that would understand. Have someone who was just as lonely as he. Maybe, if he had her they could find peace in one another. But he was a monster. A twisted beast that didn’t deserve such a ray of hope. Even a sliver of it. He was blinded by her and he knew touching that light would surely burn him up.

A growl of discontentment and he was on his feet again, pacing to the the desk and then back again. The sound of his labored breathing reverberated off the walls of his closed quarters. He had the entire first order at his disposal and he couldn’t even sway a scavenger girl to join him! Anger pulsed red hot in his veins and he balled his fists at his sides. He glared down at the letter again, his eyes darkening in malace and with a feral snarl he snatched the stiff paper into both hands and began tearing it, balling it between his fingers and then he threw it into the trash bin with a shout. He was breathing hard, but not because of anything strenuous. His dark eyes were glassy, his chin trembled and he suddenly wished for his mask. He was Kylo Ren with his mask. A creature. He could be anyone he needed to be behind it. Kylo Ren wasn’t a weak boy. Kylo Ren wasn’t unwanted. Kylo Ren didn’t need a family. Kylo Ren didn’t need _anyone_. Chest heaving he viciously closed down all his feelings, stuffing them deeper into his gut.

_Kill it._

Stiffening his chin and clenching his fists he stormed from his room with a sweep of his dark cloak.

Stars away and sitting under the protection of a large palm leaf Rey listened to the rain falling around her. Tears streaming silently down her cheeks. She was keenly aware of the roiling emotions inside her. The sadness and the abandonment. Seeing such beautiful writing through his eyes had been alarming. Feeling his self hatred had been even more so. His anger was disconcerting. His sadness was… she reached up and gently swiped at the tears on her face, but fresh ones arose and she found herself weeping alone in the rain as Ben Solo slammed the door on their bond without even realizing it. She left him alone after all. Just as everyone else had.

“I _do_ want you…” She murmured.


End file.
